Why do we hide behind the words fine and ok? Why do we never feel that it’s ok to tell people how we really feel? I think it’s because we are all afraid of being judged for being ourselves. For letting our true feelings show. I tell my boy friend all the time that I’m fine when I’m secretly not, and I’m pretty sure he is the one person I shouldn’t be afraid of showing who I really am. But the truth is I am more scared to tell him anything than anybody else, just because I feel like if i tell him too much then he’ll get scared and leave.
I’ve done some pretty bad stuff in the 17 years that I have been on this earth, and I don’t think I have ever been comfortable around anyone but my parents, and that’s ok because well they are my parents and they don’t judge me because well they created me. The thing is, some of us actually have some REAL problems and these REAL problems get caught up in the “oh she is just being a drama queen” or “she is just trying to get attention”, but some people like myself, and my 3 best friends, we actually have real problems. One of my friends is seriously ill, the other one is a “smart girl” and only gets atttention from boys when they need her help, and my other best friend is worried about her self image, and none of them should worry about that because they are beautiful inside and out.
And well then there’s me, I never feel good enough for anyone, i feel broken and used, dirty and that at any moment I’m just going to fall apart.
So i have decided to create a newsletter so that you guys can keep up to date with what’s happening. There is a sign up link on my page under Newsletter on the side bar I will also put it on my social media page and it will be all over facebook and twitter!
So I’m going through a bit of rough patch of life, I just found out that i care more for my boy friend than he cares for me. He said i ask for to much. All I asked was to be wanted back, cared for and loved for who i am. How can it be so that you dedicate so much of your life to one person and can’t picture living without but they find it so easy to just walk away.
What is the point? What is the point in getting so wrapped up in love that you end up hating the person you are supposed to care about. What is the point in saying “i love you” when you dont mean it? Why put so much effort in to one person? That one person that you would maybe hope to marry.
So basically i was on the phone to my boy friend and well.. He basically hung up on me and didn’t bother to say i love you or anything. Just “I’ll call you back, f*ck”. Why do us girls put so much trust in to people we love? Is it because we just want to be wanted and accepted? Or is it because we are afraid of ending up alone?
I met an old lady today and she said “I have a had a wonderful life, but a lonely life.” This words have been playing in my head all afternoon. She never had children because she married too late and then her husband died 5 years after they got married. The thing about her is that she still had a great life, she got to meet people and remember them and travel and be great, and she doesn’t regret anything.
So why do girls waste so much time on love? And in finding the RIGHT guy? We shouldn’t be afraid to live life and to be alone. So girls be beautiful!
Generally a lot of girls have self image issues, relationship issues, friend issues… Well girls just have a lot of issues. We have this idea in our head on how everything is supposed to turn out, our future, our plan, our kids, our husband. Basically a lot of idea’s and sometime we tend to take it out on the person closest to us when those ideas tend not to turn out how we hoped. Our boy friend might break up with us (the person we thought we would marry), our best friend might betray us, or someone might say some nasty things about you on facebook, tumblr, ask.fm, twitter ECT.
I don’t think we mean to take it out on the people we love, I think society has put so much pressure on us girls that we just wish that everything would be ok. Girls have this guard up that they think protects them from the world, whether it be from social media or boys where we find it hard to trust people basically because we are so scared of being judged.
I know I feel like I am getting judged every single day, whether its randoms in my class, my best friends or my boy friend. I constantly feel like when I do something i rethink it go “wow why did i just do that”. I find myself doing and feeling like that on a daily basis. I can’t help it, its just me.
The point I’m trying to portray by this post though is that I want to tell all you girls out there that are struggling with friends, boy friends or even yourself that it’s ok to let your guard down, and its ok not to be ok.
So after popular demand from a certain couple of people I am going to try my very hardest to post something everyday. So today’s topic is the truth about love. Well sometimes I get to the point where I don’t believe in love and I feel like there is no point in putting effort in anymore, but other times I don’t know what i would do without love. So from one of my top 10 artists P!nk her song The Truth About Love got me thinking. Does love really come and go? Or do you only ever get one real chance at love, then everything else is just a “love” but not “True Love”.
Personally I think we only get that one chance to have a GREAT love, whether it be in high school or whether it be years after, but then I think what if my GREAT love isn’t really my GREAT love, if that make sense, what if this is just puppy love? Or young love? Your typically high school romance. I think when you find that GREAT love nothing in the world is going to matter anymore, old relationships that have turned ugly, or relationships that you just had to end because there was no hope anymore. I look back now on my past relationships and compare them to the love I’m in now and I think this is my chance, my big chance at this thing we call True Love.
I think we can only hope that our true love is here to stay, because I’ve told a lot of people I’ve loved them and I think now that wasn’t love, I think what my boy friend and I have is a GREAT love and I don’t think anybody can ruin it for us except ourselves.
So today was a really sad day because my favourite teacher of all time is leaving for London on Saturday and it was our last day with her! I think what I wanted to talk about tonight is how some people come in to your life and make such a huge difference but we don’t realise it’s happening until they are about to leave.
My teacher was like this, I didn’t really hit me on how much she actually made a difference in my life until now, not only with school work, but on how I view the world. She helped me find who i am, help me find out who i want to be. I am in a great debt with her, and I hope this gets you guys thinking on how people change your life and to always thank them for making a difference in your life.