Why do we hide behind the words fine and ok? Why do we never feel that it’s ok to tell people how we really feel? I think it’s because we are all afraid of being judged for being ourselves. For letting our true feelings show. I tell my boy friend all the time that I’m fine when I’m secretly not, and I’m pretty sure he is the one person I shouldn’t be afraid of showing who I really am. But the truth is I am more scared to tell him anything than anybody else, just because I feel like if i tell him too much then he’ll get scared and leave.
I’ve done some pretty bad stuff in the 17 years that I have been on this earth, and I don’t think I have ever been comfortable around anyone but my parents, and that’s ok because well they are my parents and they don’t judge me because well they created me. The thing is, some of us actually have some REAL problems and these REAL problems get caught up in the “oh she is just being a drama queen” or “she is just trying to get attention”, but some people like myself, and my 3 best friends, we actually have real problems. One of my friends is seriously ill, the other one is a “smart girl” and only gets atttention from boys when they need her help, and my other best friend is worried about her self image, and none of them should worry about that because they are beautiful inside and out.
And well then there’s me, I never feel good enough for anyone, i feel broken and used, dirty and that at any moment I’m just going to fall apart.